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“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience where you really stop and look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror, I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

I was always picked on as a kid. I was too afraid to stand up for and defend myself. I remember one particular instance where I was bullied on the bus by a classmate in the eighth grade, and instead of standing up to her and fighting back, I avoided her. I would walk home through the streets and the woods after school. Even the creepy creek, with its old bridge and quietness, did not deter me. I think I would have rather died than stand up for myself back then.

I had the same problem through adolescence and early adulthood. I ended up working for a supervisor who was a bully. She would lose her temper with me frequently if my work was not perfect, and would tell me I was stupid. I even had one co-worker actually throw something at me in anger. However, I did not defend myself. My supervisor would describe me as someone with a meek and mild manner.

Then one day, when I was 29 years old, I noticed that my hands were hurting when I woke up in the morning. I could hardly bend my fingers because they were so swollen. I was in a lot of pain. I then went to see my doctor, who ran some tests. She noticed that my white blood count was low, my red blood count was low, and my platelet count was low. She diagnosed it as systemic lupus erythematosus, or SLE. I knew that the disease could be fatal if left untreated. So, she referred me to a rheumatologist for treatment.

My rheumatologist quickly put me on plaquenil for the inflammation in my joints. I had to be hospitalized twice for observation because the lab work looked so abnormal. I even had pericarditis, which is an inflammation of the lining around the heart. Sometimes it hurt to breathe and this symptom would cause me to take off work for several days at a time.

At around this same time, I learned about the world of self-help through a colleague of mine. I discovered the work of Louise Hay, who believed in the metaphysical healing of illness through affirmations. When I read her book, You Can Heal Your Life, I realized that what she had to say seemed right. Her philosophy really resonated with me. She believed that the same mind that created the illness can create wellness in the body. She worked with many clients and discovered the metaphysical causes and treatments of illness through affirmations. She believe people could heal through thought alone.

I was particularly interested in her probable cause of lupus, which was “A giving up. Better to die than stand up for oneself. Anger and punishment.” I also noted the new thought pattern, which was “I speak up for myself freely and easily. I claim my power. I love and approve of myself. I am free and safe.”

Every day I repeated this affirmation. I repeated it in front of the mirror, first thing in the morning and before I went to bed at night. Then my life slowly started to change. I started to speak up and ask for the jobs I wanted at work, and because they liked me, they gave them to me. I stood up to a co-worker who often picked on me, and to my surprise, she backed down immediately! I never knew that standing up for myself was so easy. I had such a hard time in my youth believing that!

The best part of doing these affirmations was that I started to feel better. I loved myself more. I respected myself enough to defend myself and ask for what I wanted.   Then I started to exercise, because after all, loving yourself means taking care of yourself. I started to eat better – I even gave up refined sugar for a while. Finally the rheumatologist confirmed when I already knew for some time, that I had no active disease for a long time!   He told me to just keep doing what I’ve been doing. He was happy for me and stated that he could not take any credit for it – I had gotten better by myself.

I thank Louise Hay profusely for showing me the way, but I have another person in my life for whom to be grateful. My mother was such a great role model for standing up for oneself. She often reminded me of the Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher. My dad described her as “formidable”. However, she was a loving person who asserted herself when necessary. She really taught me to stand up for myself at an early age, and even though I didn’t follow it at first, I put it into practice later on in life when I discovered Louise Hay. What a gift I had been given! It is my desire that you also learn from my story. I really believe the way to recover from lupus is stand up for yourself. “You must do the thing you think you cannot do”, as Eleanor Roosevelt would say. I invite you to learn to speak up for yourself whenever necessary if you suffer from lupus. You will be very glad you did – you just may get better like I did!

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One day in the fall of 1996, I woke up with severe joint pain in my fingers.  I had a difficult time bending them.  I went to the doctor, and after running several tests over several months, I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus.  My white blood count was low, my red blood count was low, my platelet count was low, and the Antinuclear Antibody (ANA) Test was positive.

Lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease which is highly unpredictable.  Each person has their own individual experience with lupus.  Some people have joint pain, others have kidney disease (nephritis), and others can get rashes and mouth sores.  Lupus can “flare” when one least expects it, even when they feel they are taking care of themselves.  Lupus can also be a painful disease.  I often had pericarditis, which is inflammation of the pericardium, the lining around the heart.  It hurt just to breathe when I had an episode.

However, I feel fortunate that I was able to recover with no active disease by 2002.  A co-worker told me about You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay.  I read the probable cause for lupus:

A giving up.  Better to die than to stand up for one’s self.  Anger and punishment.

When I read those words, it was like a bell went off.  Since childhood, I was always the one that got picked on.  I never defended myself when confronted – I was too afraid to.  I really would have rather died than to stand up for myself.  This continued until I was diagnosed at 30 years of age.  I even had a supervisor who described me as “meek and mild”, even “timid”.

So I went to work on assertiveness right away.  By the way, the new thought pattern for lupus is as follows:

I speak up for myself freely and easily.  I claim my power.  I love and approve of myself.  I am free and safe.

I was just beginning to change my state of being.  I repeated the affirmation often, and I started to become that assertive person.  I asked for what I wanted at work.  For example, there was a job that I wanted in the department where I was working.  I simply asked for it, and because I was well-liked, they gave it to me.  I also started to defend myself if someone confronted me at work.  I never had the courage to do that before!  It was empowering and far easier than I thought it would be.

Also, I started to meditate around that same time, only for about 15 minutes per day.  There are many benefits to meditation.  Meditation increases brain wave coherence, which contributes to health and wellness.  It also increases focus and reduces stress and anxiety.  Since I started meditating, I became a more joyful, happier person.  I began to lighten up on myself.  I loved myself enough to defend myself when necessary and ask for what I wanted.

Then I hired a personal trainer to improve my physical health.  Before I knew it I was getting up in the morning at 4:00 am to go work out in the gym.  I never felt better, and that’s when my rheumatologist confirmed I had no active disease and had been that way for quite some time.  He simply said, “Whatever you’re doing, keep on doing it!” He also took me off of plaquenil, the medication I was taking for lupus.

Ever since then I have lived a normal, happy, healthy life.  However, my ANA test was still positive, and I still had occasional flare ups, even though the disease was not active.  Then I discovered the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza.  I started attending his workshops and got into a habit if meditating 60-90 minutes every morning.   He would often say that people healed themselves of diseases like lupus and cancer by meditating.  So, I continued attending his workshops and meditating.  In August of 2015, after two years, I saw my rheumatologist.  She ran a battery of tests, all particular to lupus.  They were all normal.  Best of all, the ANA test came back negative!!  The disease had finally left my body for good.  I haven’t had any symptoms since June of 2015.  It’s like I never had lupus.  My former rheumatologist had even questioned if I had lupus at all!  Finally, he did conclude, that what happened to me in 1996, and the few years following it, was significant.  I definitely was diagnosed correctly with lupus.

It is my desire to help others with my story, so I wrote Speak Your Truth:  How You Can Recover from Lupus.  If it even helps one person heal from disease, I will be overjoyed.  I am grateful I had the tools to recover.  Know that you have everything you need biologically and neurologically from disease.  You just need to be willing to do the work.