I thought I would repost this blog that I wrote two years ago. I hope that someone who is going through a similar experience won’t feel so alone.
Last weekend I went to my first grief support group for the loss of my husband. Jerry had passed away almost two years before, but I had to take care of my mother, so I set my grieving for him aside.
I have lost four people in the last two years, three of which were family members. I lost a dear friend two years ago in July, my husband Jerry in January of the following year, my uncle in July of the next year and then my mother in June of this year.
That’s a lot of loss.
I’m not sure why I haven’t gone totally crazy by now.
When my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I developed severe depression and had to be hospitalized.
People feared I would become ill again when my husband passed away.
But nothing happened. Even when my mom died.
The reason I think I didn’t get sick is because all of the people that died in the last two years were very ill, and the loss was what they call “uncomplicated” – it was expected.
It doesn’t make it any easier though.
I lost my dear girlfriend to brain cancer. Who am I going to discuss The Course in Miracles with? Only she could have related to the Course in Miracles!
I lost my sweet, loving husband Jerry to pneumonia. Now there’s no one to come home to at night.
I lost my endearing uncle to colon cancer. Who’s going to make me laugh in my darkest hours?
Finally, I lost my mother, my best girlfriend in the whole world. To whom am I going to tell my deepest darkest secrets?
These people left quite a hole in my life.
I have been feeling anxious for no reason at all.
I’ve also been angry at everyone at work for no good reason. Thank God I was working at home that day!
However, I know these feelings won’t last forever. I have met some really awesome people in my support group who have had worse losses than I have.
Together we will get through this, one day at a time. I just wish it wouldn’t take so damn long.